Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
