Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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