No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
