If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize