don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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