Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
did you just send me my own nude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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