Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
