It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
