goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize