i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize