I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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