At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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