She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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