Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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