i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
