Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
