I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
