I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
