You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
