True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
