really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
