So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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