if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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