he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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