Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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