I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
