I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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