He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
