Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you had me at cake vodka
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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