So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
