Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
