there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
