I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
