Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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