Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
