Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
