turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
