i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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