Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
