you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
