He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
