i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
