I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
