awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
