other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
