Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
