it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
