actually, I'm a sock model
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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