I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
