My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
