every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize