i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
