Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
