that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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