if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
