since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
