I seem to have left my pride at pride
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
