Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
