"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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