Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
