i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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