you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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