If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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