His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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