I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
