After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize