drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A bitchslap is in order.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
