i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
