I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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