The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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