I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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