Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
