Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize