Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
