my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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