I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
