so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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