you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
