your room smells of hookers.
And success
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
