Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize