I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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