Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
