Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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