I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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